Serendipity Lights the Way

“If not now, when?” we asked ourselves as we contemplated our future. My husband had tempted fate by applying for his dream job, which was a long way from our comfortable life in Michigan. But we were never ones to shy from an adventure. So, when our youngest son, who was a freshman in high school, agreed that it was a good idea, we decided that we were packing up and moving to Georgia.

To make a long story short, sometimes “dreams come true” turn into unexpected nightmares. When I first wrote the previous sentence, I questioned my use of the word nightmare. Because in so many ways, we are okay. Financially and physical health-wise, we are okay. We still love each other beyond measure. There are many blessings in our life that give us plenty to be grateful for. However, the past few years have challenged us in ways we never expected. For Jim, it was devastation that comes with a dream crashing down around you. For me, it was constantly garnering enough strength to cling to hope as the only lifeline that would see us through. For Tyson, it was demonstrating a resilience that you shouldn’t need as a teenager who is just figuring life out. And for Laine, our oldest son, it was watching from afar feeling helpless and afraid.

I read a quote from the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott recently that pretty much sums up my survival tactics over the past few years. Lamott wrote: 

“E.L. Doctorow once said that, ‘Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’ You don’t have to see where you’re going. You don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.”

Focusing on where my feet were in the moment and on what was right in front of me was the only thing I could do to support my family. I can tackle any challenge, one step at a time. It’s like that saying about how to eat an elephant–you do it one bite at a time. 

You could flip through my social media posts from the past couple years and think, “But, Allyson, we didn’t know. How could we, when you were sharing happy photos of travel and family time?” And I’ll respond, “It’s because I couldn’t tell you. It hurt too bad. I survived by cherishing those beautiful moments amidst the challenges we were facing. Those pictures were part of our story, just not the whole story.”

I actually wrote this post months ago, as we were in the process of moving back to Michigan. I was unsure if I would share it because this is not my story alone. It belongs to my husband, sons, and those who have provided us love and support along the way. If you are reading this, it is shared with their permission. And it is because I am finally ready to look further ahead than three feet in front of me.

Through it all, the most empowering notion is that I am the one who gets to write my story. This is not the only storm I have weathered. It is not the only storm we have weathered as a family. And, the challenges life throws at us offer opportunities to learn and grow and to ultimately become better versions of ourselves. As we were literally unpacking our things again, we were also sorting through our struggles over the past couple years and discovering who we are now. We have a few more wrinkles and more gray hair (at least I do), but we also have a deepened appreciation for what really matters. As a side note, if you are thinking about moving across the country twice in two years, I strongly recommend that you reconsider. Unless, of course, you enjoy chaos, cardboard boxes as home décor, and spending lots of money transporting your household goods across numerous states.

If you know anything about me at all, you probably know that I have a favorite word. I fell in love with the word “serendipity” because of its lyrical, whimsical, and magical feeling. Through the roller coaster of this beautiful life, however, serendipity became more of a lifestyle choice for me. Oxford Reference defines serendipity as the “Discovery of new information by a happy accident when actually seeking something altogether different.” Isn’t that the perfect way to see opportunities in the ups and downs of life? In just about everything we go through, serendipity is there in the form of profound lessons and happy accidents, if we look for it.

Sometimes, in the midst of the struggle, I am not ready to look for lessons or gifts the experience will reveal. But even when I am not ready to look, I know they are there. That is the life-saving hope that illuminates the two to three feet in front of me and gives me the confidence to move forward one step at a time. And it gives me the strength to wrap my arms around the people I love to help them move forward too.

Jim quitting his dream job was a very brave thing to do, but it turns out it wasn’t the bravest thing that he did over the past couple years. The bravest thing he did was to push through his feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment so that he could be the husband and father we needed. The journey to Georgia and back provided us with the unexpected opportunity to move wherever we wanted to live, bringing us near family and friends in what Jim calls “God’s country” in Northern Michigan. Our sons are doing well and are happy to have our family together in the same state again. We learned that we are stronger than we ever knew, our love for each other knows no bounds, and that life is hard but we can always find something to laugh about. That is not what we expected to learn on this adventure, but doesn’t that just prove that we were right all along? Life is absolutely full of serendipity.