We went golfing a few weeks back and I was struck by how awful my 10-year-old was at hitting the ball. Yet, he wouldn’t give up. Whiff after whiff, he kept swinging the club, and he even started having a little fun by imitating Happy Gilmore. My eyes filled with tears at what an incredible failure he was. Tears of laughter and tears of pride.
I have been thinking about this post for a while now, and I have talked with both of my sons about the message. I have a very difficult time writing about parenting because I don’t claim to be an effective parent. Yet. The success of my parenting skills will be determined much later, when my sons are living happy lives, uplifting others, and defining their own success. The proof is in the pudding.
My sons are not little princes. They are little people–well, actually, it is just months before BOTH of them are bigger than me. The thing I want them to learn more than anything in this whole world is that they make their own happiness. And I want them to learn how to make their own happiness. That mission means they need to fail a lot. They need to laugh, brush themselves off, learn from their mistakes, and move on. With a smile most of the time. Although, it is a little ironic that I’m writing this while parenting a 15-year-old boy. He does smile often, just not at me at this point in his life. To him, I am a super dork, especially when I make musical.ly videos.
My kids have failed at pretty much everything at one point or another–from sports, to academics, to relationships, to keeping their rooms clean. They will keep failing, and they will keep being annoyed at my, “So what will you do now?” response.
It’s a good thing that I am a failure too.
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
-Theodore Roosevelt
Author’s Note: This was posted with the full support of my contributing editors, my sons.
Serendipity in Education 
I fully believe you handicap your children by solving their problems for them. Sometimes my mom heart just wants to “fix it”. Then I remember they need those lessons to be able to navigate life their own way, making their own decisions, and to become good people. I still fail at things, but they’ll know mom kept trying and will hopefully use my experiences as an example in their lives!
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Alyson- this article is the proof in the pudding. Yes , you are a successful parent.
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We should all be more concerned that our kids become happy 35 year-olds than whether or not they get a good grade, are good in sports, or just lost their best friend. Life lessons that last are much more critical than a given day or week or even a year in their experiences.. When they learn to fail or fall with grace they will get up and succeed with gratitude for what they’ve learned from good parents who love and care for them in every situation.
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Agree whole-heartedly! Thank you for reading and for the feedback!!
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